The Man with the Mint Undies

January 5th, 2013 – 7:45pm
My Heart: “So Holly, what do you want to do tonight?”

My Brain: “Same thing we do every night Holly, lay in our own filth and eat chips.”

My Heart: “Very well.” (Hangs head in shame).

Click link to get a visual

That was the plan anyway until I received a pop up message from a guy I was talking to back in December. Before I knew it I had just over an hour to get ready as we were meeting for drinks. Uuugh. Here we go again.

I look like shit, I feel like shit and probably smell like shit for all I know. So in an attempt to get my head in the game and subdue my premenstrual bloating I chug a beer and pop some advil. Works wonders. I apply my face, quickly throw something on that smells relatively clean (with the addition of half a bottle of perfume) and head out the door. Who cares. This date is probably a waste of time anyway.

As I’m walking to my destination I realize – this is the first date of the new year. Perhaps I should knock the chip off my shoulder and go in to it with a little more effort and less bitterness. What was I bitter at anyway? The fact that this guy peeled me off my couch to go out and have some drinks and possibly…fun? How dare he! After quickly pondering the situation I finally caved – “fiiiiiine” I said to myself like a child being forced to do their homework or something.

I arrive. I spot him almost immediately and suddenly realize I’m not wearing deoderant. Fuck. Oh fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck. For a brief moment I contemplate turning around and heading back home but I tell myself “just remember, whatever you do, don’t lift up your arms. (wait – did I even shave my armpits? SHIT!!!) Ok, ok, remain calm and don’t draw attention to your pits.” He greets me with a smile and conversation takes off like a bat outta hell.

Now, a little bit about him. Well, first of all, when I meet a guy for the first time I ask myself 3 things. 1) Is he attractive? 2) Does he have a good body? 3) Could you see yourself having sex with this man?

He passed all three prerequisites.

He was smart. Very smart. He was funny and adorable. I liked him.

After much conversation, some beer and a few rounds of pool (in which I showed off my impecible lack of geometry skills) we were being asked by security to drink up and head out. Yeah. We closed the place.

He offered to walk me home which I found incredibly sweet as every girl in the city should be escorted home. You just never know who’s lurking in the alley ways (like some bitter guy who didn’t like reading about himself in my blog). We reach my apartment and my mind starts racing. “Ok, it’s the end of the night – how we gonna do this? What’s the protocol on saying goodnight? What’s the exchange – hug, handshake, peck on the cheek, nothing at all?” Ahh! Mind racing turns to sheer panic within seconds and I finally say, “do you wanna come up?”. Way to go Holly. Way. To. Go.

Shockingly, he agrees.

We talked well in to the night – discussing everything from books, sex and even conspiracy theories. Among our topics of conversation here were two of my favourites:
1) I had mentioned something about how unprepared I was for the evening…something like:
Me: “if I had of known, I would have wore prettier underwear – like with lace or something.”

Guy: “that’s ok. Mine are like a grey-light greenish colour.”

Me: “Like…..mint?”

Guy: “That’s exactly it. Mint.”

Insert great deal of laughter.

I never in my life have met a man who owned, let alone wore, a pair of mint green boxers. Now that shows confidence!

2) While on the topic of books he asks:
Guy: “So what are some of your favourite authors?”

Me: “Hm, well I like Margaret Atwood, LeoTolstoy and Jane Austen….”

Guy: “Oh – is she the one with the monkeys?”

Long pause while staring at each other

Guy: “Ha ha, no, no wait – that’s Jane Goodall.”

Me (thinking): “good recovery.”

A guy that can laugh at himself - impressive. A guy that can make me laugh just as much – even more so.

To conclude, the evening in my opinion was a success. I had fun, I laughed and I had some sweet eye candy to boot. What more could I have asked for?

Lesson – get off the couch once in a while you lazy bitch.