The following post is from contributing blogger – Vince.
Feel free to comment and ask questions. Enjoy!!!
Shall We Dance…?
Traditions. Romance. Evolution. Who makes the first move? The lady? Or the gentleman?
Traditionally speaking, the first moves for almost all romantic courtships were expected to be by the gentleman. “Shall we dance?” “Would you like to go out for dinner?” “Can I hold your hand?” “Will you be my girlfriend?” “I love you” “Will you marry me?” Ladies would wait for the first move, the first kiss, and of course, the first “I love you”.
This tradition has evolved drastically. Welcome to the 21st century and the year of 2013. Traditions have changed. Expectations have changed. It is the time of black presidents (who by the way is doing a much better job than most white presidents in the past). Women are utilizing their rights and gaining momentum! Women are voting, raising families and also becoming CEO’s of major companies. Equality! What a beautiful thing. In romantic scenarios these women are also no longer waiting for the (sometimes cowardly) man to make the first move. They’re mustering up the courage themselves to approach men and are often the first to ask for the first dance, the first kiss and the first person to say “your place or mine”. Amazing! Hubba Hubba!!
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love traditions. I’m very much an old-fashioned guy who opens the car door, holds the house door open, and will make the first move. But it’s nice to know that we don’t always have to do all the work. Speaking of which… this is how my wife and I came to be. She made the first move.
We talked for many weeks (as friends) even though we both felt something for each other.
One night my boys and I were going out to a place called “Absinth” for a good old Mo-Town drinking night. When she heard this she gathered her girlfriends and met us at the bar. All night we had a casual courtship with a heated tension between us. Because I realized I really liked this girl, I couldn’t for the life of me muster up the confidence to make the first move. The night was great! We all had a blast! Yet, as closing time drew near, her girlfriends were ready to go. As we were saying goodbye, I gave her a hug and she walked away…unsatisfied. Seconds later she turned around, ran up to me and pushed me up against the wall. She made the first move. She kissed me. I’m sorry did I say kissed? I mean she sexually assaulted my mouth. And I liked loved it. The kiss went on for about 60 seconds. The best 60 seconds of my life! The fact that she turned around and took the bull by the balls (pun intended) and took fate into her own hands was the biggest turn on. The kiss ended; she smiled and walked away – and I watched her walk away with full confidence knowing that I was going to make her mine!
Here on after I vowed to always make the first move. And I did – by making her my wife.
Lesson: If you want something bad enough, you have to take the bull by its balls and take the chance. After all, it’s better to look back on the past and regret the things you did do, rather than the things you didn’t do.
Love love love this! Thank you!
Glad you like it
I agree with this, but only to a point. Do I agree in equality – obviously. What sane female wouldn’t. But in the process of encouraging women to take charge I feel like we’ve given men the license to become pansies. Now I’m not saying you are or were a pansy in this case. I can only go based on my own experiences. And those experiences make me think that if the guy doesn’t want to step up and make a move, he has to be prepared to step back when the real man comes into the picture and is prepared to do what he must to secure the girl.
I see what your saying there. It makes sense.
As a woman, I expect the man to be the first to ask me out, kiss me, and yes – to even ask me to dance. To me this demonstrates a certain masculinity. (He has balls in other words). If he just sits back and waits for me, he’ll be waiting a long time and I’ll be thinking “he’s not interested”.
Here’s the key factor with making the first move. It changes when the influence is between lust and love.
Almost all men will always make the first move when their mind is driven by lust.
However, when their mind is influenced by their heart – the first move seems to go from easy to extremely difficult.
It’s when the guy cares for the girl that the first move takes so long, which inevitably results in the girl losing patience and make the move first.
Great blog! I have been debating this for daaaaaaaays, this just boosted my confidence! So, thanks!
You’re welcome!
Hey Vince, funny about your wife making the first move. Mine did as well.
Vince my friend, you’re a grade-A product of Feminism (or an over-protective Italian mother). Not to say that Feminism is wrong, but it has definitely done damage to the male species – if you see a guy in his early 20′s these days with a chauvinistic bone in his body, or even a drastic interest in women you have found the minority. Men and women are made 100% equal, but they are also made 100% different and they have different roles in life. One of the biggest indications of being a “man” is learning how to deal with the fear that comes along with approaching a woman. Lessons of humiliation, rejection, and the occasional smack across the face are extremely important to the development of men and without them you lose the most important feeling to a man – success.
We are born to be leaders, that is our role as men. Not to say that women aren’t good leaders, and you can call me old fashioned but in my experience, women always make better wives and mothers than CEO’s (and no you can’t be a corporate woman and be a good wife and/or mother – you don’t have time to be).